Love is Blind (Literally)
Words by Nicola Fisher // Image by Dave Mallalieu
“Nicola!”
I’ll never forget hearing my name called out with such joy by a man I had only met once before, or how it felt to be seen by someone who, incredibly, had no sight at all. I didn't know at that point about the superpowers of the blind. Being recognized simply by the sound of my voice felt like sorcery.
I was 51, happily single, and imagined that my life was laid out in front of me for the foreseeable future.
My mom had died 18 months before, prompting my dad and I to combine our resources and buy a house together. As is often the case for me, change came in threes and I started a new job too. None of this seemed especially significant at the time but, in hindsight, I can see how all of these events were stepping stones leading me to Chris.
It was through the new day job that I met and started working with a client, a charity. After one of our business meetings, they asked if I might be willing to volunteer my photography skills at an event.
That was how I came to meet Chris on May 11th, 2015.
That day, I spent the morning documenting the event with my camera, and chatting with the other photographer and the two guys who were filming. There was a lot of tech talk about our kit.
I was introduced to everyone, including Chris. I remember gravitating towards him throughout the day. My tendency to be direct got the better of me and I wanted to know how he had lost his sight. He went blind over a period of four weeks due to a relatively rare condition known as Toxoplasmosis. He told me a little of his rehabilitation and his struggle with anxiety induced by his sight loss.
Never having spoken at length to anyone who was blind before, Chris was a willing subject for my inquisition. Looking back, although I gave it no thought at the time, this was the start of a deep connection between us. From the very beginning, there was a lot of banter. Chris was great fun, gung ho, and a self-confessed cheeky chappy who wore his disability lightly.
I had fully intended to sit with the other photographer and film crew at lunch time. But their table was full. The only empty seat was next to Chris and his support worker.
Over lunch Chris felt the full force of my curiosity. How do you send text messages? Do you use email? How do you use your cane? How did you come to terms with losing your sight? What's it like being blind?
It was this lunchtime conversation that cemented our friendship and, after Chris' carer left for the day, I kept checking on Chris, and we talked all afternoon, in between my photography.
There was something incredibly compelling in the way that Chris saw me from the inside out, without the distraction of judging me by my outward appearance. Even on that first day he got me in ways that no sighted person ever had before. He saw my soul, my very essence.
That day was a meeting of minds. Chris picked up on the smallest and most subtle details. He might have had no idea what I looked like but he knew who I was. Although I didn't think it was significant then, this was the beginning.
I believe, now, that our meeting was predestined. Our paths had been converging to bring us both to this point. The journey Chris had taken since going blind and coming to terms with his sight loss had led him to this charity day. Later, we would discover other points of mutual connection going back to our childhoods where, unknowingly, our paths might have crossed before.
We were both in a good place. Chris had gone through the trauma of going blind seven years before, and then four years of adjustment, dealing with anxiety, insomnia, muscle spasms, hallucinations, and nausea. At one point he did contemplate ending it all. Finally, there was light at the end of the tunnel, and Chris' salvation came when he took up woodturning, a pivotal moment for him, and one that would change his life forever.
I was settled, for the first time in many years. The emotional upheavals of a failed marriage, my mom’s long illness, and a difficult foray into self-employment were behind me. I was happy in my own skin. Life was good.
At the end of the day, as everyone regrouped in the car park, I attempted to navigate two blind men through a small gate. It was my first experience of really understanding what it meant to be blind. One man went left, the other went right. Not knowing the protocol, I just did my own thing and called a halt, eventually getting them both where they were meant to be.
This is what I wrote in my diary that day.
May 11th, 2015
Went to charity day. Met Chris. Lovely guy. Went blind in space of 4 weeks 7 years ago. Really liked him. Tried to take 2 blind men to the cars at the end of the day - a bit like herding cats!
Over the following months I volunteered at other events and Chris and I became firm friends. We had many quite politically incorrect conversations about being blind, lots of puns, and funny moments, including The Laptop Incident. Chris was hanging on to my right elbow, using me as his guide. It was a very windy day and the sides of the charity's gazebo were flapping. One particularly strong gust of wind caught a table pushing it over and sending a laptop towards the ground. Apparently, as Chris likes to tell me, I shoved him to one side and rugby tackled the laptop saving it from smashing on the ground. No blind men were injured in the process!
For the rest of the year our paths crossed occasionally and, when they did, we spent all our time talking together. We laughed a lot.
Yet I never thought, for one moment, that there was anything more to our friendship. Call me naive but it simply wasn’t something I considered. Plus, Chris was married. I just remember being very happy to see him when we met and one hug in particular that I never wanted to end. I’d made a commitment to my dad to care for him and relationships didn't feature in my future at all.
One afternoon, after another charity event, I gave Chris a lift home. On the way he told me that he and his wife had been living separate lives since he went blind. I wondered what that had to do with me and why he was telling me.
A few months later, Chris asked me, over the phone, if he could feel my face the next time we met. I said, yes, but then got cold feet, wondering what that might imply. I Googled what does it mean when a blind man wants to touch your face? It means what you think it means!
In the New Year Chris moved into a place of his own, and we became an item.
I discovered how different it is dating a blind man. He will never be able to pick you up in his car. You collect him. When he needs to pay for something, he whispers his PIN number in your ear.
But he will tap his way to the corner shop with his white cane in pouring rain to buy you Turkish Delight because he knows you love it. He'll know what you're thinking just by the sound of your breathing.
Just as our relationship was beginning to unfold, my dad died unexpectedly. Looking back it was as if a baton had been passed on to Chris.
In September 2018, Chris and I got married in a local stately home. It was a reflection of us and exactly what we wanted; very low key. We chose a steam punk theme, and had an afternoon tea. We organized it ourselves and didn't have any flowers because I ran out of time to buy them. No one noticed. There were tears of joy and we signed the register with a fountain pen turned by Chris.
We've not yet been married two years but it feels much longer. In a good way! We read each other's thoughts, are on the same wavelength, and share similar values. We often say, who could have imagined six years ago that I would have met and married a blind man when I was in my fifties, and lived happily ever after. You just never know what life has in store for you.
About the Author:
Nicola Fisher is a writer, podcaster, and photographer. In May 2019, Nicola swapped her day job to pursue a more unconventional way of life, and to live and work in her own inimitable style. She lives in the North of England with her husband, Chris, a blind woodturner, and his Guide Dog, Bamber.
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