I always thought that by the time I became a mom, I’d feel confident in my body. In the almost ten years since my first daughter was born, however, I have struggled with body image.

Why is it that when considering our bodies, we focus not on how it feels or what it needs, but instead we tend to spend our time focusing on how it looks?

One of the biggest changes to spending more time at home, I realized, was not being observed by others. I remember, in the “before times”, during meetings I might have spent some mental energy on being aware of how others were perceiving me - my body, expressions, and movements.

So often we talk about eating as a means to an end, but I love to think about food as part of an experience and something to be enjoyed, not just something to be recorded and counted to make me smaller.

I realized I had no idea how to recognize what foods made me feel good or bad, or how to actually recognize fullness or hunger cues. I was so out of tune with my body that I didn’t know what joyful movement felt like, or how to find ways of moving my body that best served me.

For me, the number on the scale tells more than my weight. In my mind, it is the sum total of my worth. And because I cannot not become obsessed with its judgment, I make the choice to stay away completely.

After a lifetime of feeling invisible, a photo shoot opens the door to self-discovery and beauty.