So, while there are a million more unknowns that will come my way, I will continue to dance. In grief, in joy, in prayer, while I’m folding laundry or putting away dishes. Whether or not the world makes sense to me.

Now that I am a mother, I sometimes think back to that time in my life when things were carefree and easy — when my spunky side was front and center.

I fell in love with a man who has always been comfortable being himself. I think that’s one of the reasons I fell in love with him so quickly. I, on the other hand, haven’t always been able to say the same about myself. I think back to the “old” me who would change her clothes and sometimes even her personality for someone else.

I didn’t write down the good memories like I thought I had. I didn’t write down my first kiss or the fun things I did that day. I wrote about my parents fighting. I wrote about how often I was bullied in school. I wrote about how bad I felt about my body.

I am only ankle deep in the water, but I close my eyes all the same, breathing in the familiar sensations of the beach, our home. I’m not weightless in the water, but I feel lighter, as if I removed the weight of overwhelm and left it on the shore for someone else to carry for a while.

Tethering to an idea or a thought comes both naturally and oh, so difficultly for me. My personality dislikes risk, variables, gray areas, patience. I need facts, logic, plans and authority that I can respect.

The parts of Me I miss most are not parts I can see in a rearview mirror or parts some stranger can see in the baby food aisle at the grocery store. Me is not some shiny exterior, lacquered and gleaming.

At first, learning to be secure without latching on to someone else caused all sorts of panic and alarms going off internally. But my mission needed to persevere, I had to know I was enough to find happiness on my own.

Growing up in an environment where adults did not feel comfortable expressing their negative emotions in front of me made me think that happiness was the only emotion allowed in public and it was an unwritten societal rule that everybody knew.

Two years after the end of that relationship, and I am finally free from a lifetime of self-hatred. I have worked tirelessly through my issues, challenging old thought patterns and beliefs, doing the work to heal myself.

Maybe part of self-care is recognizing that real life isn’t as simple as a self-care checklist formula for happiness. Trial and error – also known as mistakes – are the tools that give us the experiences to keep going and growing.

What people don’t tell you when you get married is what happens to your self-confidence after the marriage ends. You feel unwanted.

As you let go of the life you had planned, you may feel sad and broken. But there can be a beauty in the breaking and the way that you respond to your brokenness is everything.

My actual image, though — confident as I was — was short and stocky. I looked strong, yes, but in a female farmhand kind of way. If I had been tanner, you might have wondered if I’d come in from the field and thrown on my best suit just to apply for another crop loan.

Everyone (myself included) has said the two golden words, “Be yourself.” By saying this, magically everything should fall into place, people will like you and the world will fall at your feet. We think that these two words obtain the key to success.

For me, the number on the scale tells more than my weight. In my mind, it is the sum total of my worth. And because I cannot not become obsessed with its judgment, I make the choice to stay away completely.

For years I have been the outcast, but not the outcast who just dressed differently or who listened to peculiar music, although I was guilty of that too. I was the little girl who was not “black enough”.

Motherhood was my main role, and the responsibility of it was deeply ingrained in my identity. I suddenly discovered, however, that it was not my only role. Also, I wanted more, and there were dreams outside of my children that I needed to invest in.

Let's get real. Let's have an honest, raw conversation about social media, body image, and what it can do to a pretty stable, normal self-esteemed adult.

Being overweight during her formative years has taught Cara a lot about life - dealing with bullies, making friends, and striving to value people for who they are and not what they look like.